This is The Bitch Who Broke Up Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez’s Fake Relationship Because Justin Bieber is Gay



I hate to be a hater.

Actually, I don’t hate being a hater at all, because the basis of my existence is hating…in as nice a way as possible…but this 18-year-old Victoria’s Secret model who has been getting a ton of hype, from walking her first show to banging Bieber, all the while confusing me as to where the evil geniuses at Victoria’s Secret even find a teen model to get in their lingerie…and now disappointing me with her bikini body that at 18 is not toned enough for my liking…or busty enough for those hips that can’t lie because they are too big. But I guess at 18 she’s not done growing and this is just her awkward stage, because here she is in a bikini, after what looks like a few too many Christmas fruitcakes…you know, Kate Upton’s diet, because it works for Kate Upton, right?!

For the record, and to prevent hateful emails, I realize Barbara Palvin is still a hot 18-year-old. I just don’t buy into the hype…


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