Movie Reviews of Movies I Haven’t Watched: Dredd! Perks of Being a Wallflower!

Dredd 3D
Finally we’re getting around to remaking Stallone movies and “Judge Dredd” is the first choice.  Next month it’s “Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot” and then “Over The Top” for the trifecta of kickassery.

Anyway, if my knowledge of the Stallone movie is any guide, this movie is about a dystopian future full of asshole cops who mete out justice on the streets.  In the comic book, Dredd sort of wasn’t even a hero, more of a villain since he just followed the letter of the law all the time in an oppressive, shithole of a future megacity with no room for humanity.  It was a bit satirical.  I assume in this movie, just like the last one, he’s more of a stalwart hero and champion of justice, which is lame but predictable because no one likes movies about Nazi-style cops.

In a nutshell:  I dunno, it’s Bones from the “Star Trek” remake, and probably lots of people get shot. Seems legit.



The Perks of Being a Wallflower
This movie stars Emma Watson, who nerds and the depraved know as Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter movies. I have no idea how she managed to transition from nerdy know-it-all wizard to short-haired supermodel sex icon, but it happened like the day after the last Harry Potter came out and I’ve never understood it. First and foremost because I don’t find her attractive—which isn’t to say I think she’s gross or you can’t be attracted to her, I just literally have no feelings of attraction at all. She’s like a book to me, it’s completely non-sexual.  But whatever, some people are into that. The other thing is, come on. She’s a girl Harry Potter! She’s not the black sheep of the Royal Family working the runways of Milan and doing coke on yachts with bohemian artists. I think.  I once saw her fight a troll in a bathroom, though.

In a nutshell: No idea what this is about, but it’s an indie movie and probably isn’t even playing in your town.
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