The Spice Girls’ Olympics Closing Ceremony Performance

In case you’re like me and missed most of the Olympics Closing Ceremony, here’s what it looks like when the ‘90s squirts a whole lot of glitter lube on its palm and gives all of our souls a sloppy hand job. Baby Spice, Scary Spice, Sporty Spice and Ginger Spice all twerked their asses and moved their mouths to a recorded track like they’ve never EVER moved their mouths to a recorded track before while Posh posed, stood, posed busted out a gallery of raw emotions from “bitchface” to “bitchfacewhilestandingontopofataxi.”

If I looked at a mirror while pissing, I’d give a wider variety of facial expressions than Posh did while performing a song about spicing up lives and shit. But we should give Posh some credit, because she did climb stairs during that performance and that’s the most physical activity she’s done in her entire life. Posh was probably so burnt out after that they had to carry her to her custom Hermes leather fainting couch and hand feed her a calorie-free lemon seed for some nourishment.
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