American Idol Breaking News: JLo Out, Mariah Carey In???

“I’m really going to miss...I’m really going to miss...all that monaaaaaaaywaaaah!” is what was going through JLo’s head when she called into Ryan Seacrest’s radio show and faked a tearful voice to tell him that the middle chair at the American Idol judge’s table no longer needs two seats to fit her football field ass. JLo is following Steven Tyler out the exit door and won’t be back next season to judge tricks whose burps are more pleasant to the ear than her natural singing voice. Cut to Randy Jackson changing his cell phone number, putting his home phone off the hook and praying that he won’t get fired, because the producers forgot that he still exists.

JLo told Ryan that she’s just way too busy terrorizing the music industry, the movie industry, the fashion industry, and she just doesn’t have time to terrorize TV audiences too. There’s so many things that JLo wants to do and the show that successfully gave her dying career mouth-to-mouth is not one of them.

As for JLo’s replacement, the producers could replace her with a single Jell-O Jiggler and it would be an upgrade, but People says that lamb herder and Hello Kitty’s adoptive mother Mariah Carey is in serious talks.

And any post that has the names “Mariah” and “JLo” in it isn’t complete without this:

If Mariah takes the job (she probably won’t), she better ride in on glitter-covered unicorn and say, “I am so happy to collect millions upon millions of dollars by replacing I Don’t Know Her.”
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