Angelina Jolie is Maleficent from “Sleeping Beauty”


Here’s ice cold villainess Angelina Jolie with swap meet contacts on her eyes and leather dildos on her head (missing: a Kardashian sucking one of those things off) in the first picture of her as ice cold villainess Maleficent.

“Maleficent” doesn’t come out for another million years (March 14, 2014 to be exact), but the paparazzi have been stalking the set in England, so I’m guessing Disney pushed this picture out before they get scooped. That’s why it looks like it was taken in the dark part of her dungeon by Maddox on an iPhone with a broken flash. Disney also queefed out this statement with the picture:

Directed by two-time Oscar-winning production designer Robert Stromberg (“Avatar,” “Alice in Wonderland”), in his directorial debut, and produced by Joe Roth, “Maleficent” is written by Linda Woolverton (“The Lion King,” “Beauty and the Beast”) and executive produced by Angelina Jolie, Don Hahn, Matt Smith and Palak Patel.

Co-starring in the film are Sharlto Copley (“District 9”), Elle Fanning (“Super 8”), Sam Riley (“On the Road”), Imelda Staunton (“Vera Drake”), Miranda Richardson (“The Hours”), Juno Temple (“Atonement”) and Lesley Manville (“Secrets & Lies”).

This is the untold story of Disney’s most beloved villain, Maleficent, from the 1959 classic “Sleeping Beauty.” The film reveals the events that hardened her heart and drove her to curse the baby, Aurora.


I really hope the costume designers don’t cover up the most terrifying thing on Angie Jolie (no, not her hypnotic vagina): her Loch Ness forehead vein! They should use her forehead vein to their advantage, because it has a life of its own and really makes scared hos reach for the holy water.

And I do love the “Are you there God? It’s me, your DIRECT supervisor” pose.



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