Georgina Wilson is a Topless She-Devil


I spent last night outside a club with the bouncers as they rejected 16-year-old idiot girls trying to get into the club using fake IDs and it was amazing, realizing how fucking stupid these bitches were. From trying to share one fake ID to offering their teen tits to paying 500 bucks to get in, it was promising that in 2 to 3 years, I will be able to easily make them have sex with me. The future is bright.

Anyhoo, here are Georgina Wilson’s very hot photos from Rogue Magazine’s December issue. Enjoy, sluts!








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I Like Any Slut in a Bikini, Especially If It’s Christine Mendoza


I was walking my dog this morning and saw this vision in the shortest shorts jog by me. I thought to myself, “What an amazing outfit to jog in…you hot fucking bitch who just made herself that much hotter in spandex.”

She was running with her boyfriend and I figured I’d never see her again after cursing him for being able to fuck that ass. Twenty minutes later, I’m walking back, and the girl is lying on the sidewalk holding her knee, injured, and the boyfriend probably ran for help or something. I asked her if she was ok, debating whether there is in fact a God, because opportunities like this don’t happen ever. She said she was and I kept walking, never see her again…because I fail often…even in love…with girls in short shorts.

I should have told her “I’m trained in CPR” and mouth-to-mouthed her…or used her inability to stand to carry her to safety. I use the word “safety” loosely, becaude you never look a gift horse in the mouth…you fuck it.

Either way, lost love or not, here are some sexy bikini pics of the very hot Christine Mendoza. Enjoy, pervs!






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Kristen Stewart Looks, Dare I Say It…Hot!


In the movie “Cosmopolis,” Robert Pattinson plays billionaire Eric Packer on a sex-filled journey across Manhattan. It’s the breakout role he needs to move away from teen heartthrob to legitimate actor, so of course he asked his girlfriend to clean up nice, come to the premiere, and almost fall out of her dress. 

When asked for comment, my buddy Clyde said he would need a few hours to study these photos before he would know just how many children they would destroy. I guess that really depends on his sperm count.



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Presenting Two New “The Dark Knight Rises” Movie Trailers!!!

 
Two TV spots for “The Dark Knight Rises” have surfaced, and they finally—FINALLY—make the third Batman movie look like it might be kind of fun. There’s action, fighting, Batman, a small touch of humor—and no choir of children somberly singing or crazed monks chanting or Bruce Wayne looking like he’s going to burst into tears or anything.

I’m not saying that all comic book movies have to be as light-hearted as “The Avengers” was, but goddamn, “The Dark Knight Rises” was beginning to look like “Inception,” but sadder and with less action. Anyways, the first spot is above, and the second, more Catwoman-y spot is below. Enjoy, fanboys!



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“Spring Breakers” Looks Like A REALLY GOOD Movie


If you’ve been reading this site for a while, you’ve probably seen every scene of “Spring Breakers” by now, but why should we stop that party? So here’s Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, some girl with huge boobs, and Vanessa Hudgens in bikinis. I guess this picture wants you to know that if you’re into barely legal teen ass, “Spring Breakers” is the must see movie of the year.




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Proof That Katy Perry Should Always Wear Makeup

 
File this under “Things That Cannot Be Unseen.” Here’s a clip from Katy Perry’s new concert movie, “Part of Me 3D.” I’m assuming this is the part where she makes nobody want to see it.
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Sharon Stone Is A Filipino-Hating Nightmare Monster, Says Her Former Pinay Nanny


Sharon Stone’s heart is made of dehydrated Dalmatian puppy meat and she once skinned a Fraggle alive with her bare teeth in front of its family (see pic below), so I’m close to checking the “I Believe It!” box under The Los Angeles Times’ story about how she brought her signature cold-blooded bitchiness on her former nanny. Sharon’s ex-nanny Erlinda Elemen says Sharon didn’t let her keep a Bible in the house (because the word of the Lord goes against Sharon’s Illuminati beliefs, duh) and always made fun of her Filipino accent. In other words, Sharon so didn’t vote for Jessica Sanchez on “American Idol.”


In a lawsuit filed by Erlinda in L.A., she claimed that Sharon pink-slipped her ass after finding out that she was paid overtime. Erlinda regularly worked over 40 hours a week and so Sharon’s staff paid her overtime. When Sharon found about out this, she demanded that Erlinda pay the money back and when she was met with a boldfaced “NO,” she fired Erlinda. Sharon told Erlinda that working overtime without her permission was “illegal.”

Erlinda also claims that working for Sharon was like holding a rusty nail between your ass cheeks while a pit bull barks in your face. It was a terrifying nightmare. Sharon constantly said Filipino people are “stupid” and told Erlinda not to talk to her three children, because she didn’t want them to have a Filipino accent. Sharon made fun of Erlinda for going to church and didn’t let her read the Bible in the house even though she lived there.

Erlinda started working for Sharon as her part-time nanny in 2006 and 2 years later she was promoted to head nanny. Sharon fired Erlinda sometime around February 2011.

This is seriously some Nanny Diaries shit. But if Sharon is such a Filipino-hating racist crazy, why would she hire a Filipino nanny in the first place? Unless, Sharon truly is 100% evil and making fun of Erlinda tickled the rotten veins in her dead heart. That makes sense, because I have heard that when one of those Sarah McLachlan SPCA PSAs come on TV, Sharon laughs at it while masturbating with a taxidermy puppy. They dont call her Cruella de Stone for nothing!


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Zhang Ziyi is a Prostitute??? a.k.a. How Do You Say “Escandalo” In Chinese???


Zhang Ziyi is an international film star who starred in dozens of movies including “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,” “Memoirs of a Geisha,” “House of Flying Daggers” and of course the crowning achievement in her career: “Rush Hour 2.” But if these reports are true, Zhang Ziyi will best be known as the greatest and most lucrative pussy peddler who ever lived. I know you’re thinking to yourself, But Joey, aren’t the Kardashians the biggest whores in history?” They might be the biggest, but they aren’t the best. Do they have a top shelf pussy that has a $1 million price tag on it? Pimp Mama Kris and her bottom shelf heffa whores can stay down as Zhang Ziyi’s Fortune 500 coochie queefs diamond dust at them from the top.

Yahoo! Singapore says that there are several reports in China that claim 33-year-old Zhang Ziyi was forced to cancel an appearance at the Cannes Film Festival to promote her new movie “Dangerous Liaisons,” because the Chinese government refused to let her walk out the exit door while they investigate the two-person prostitution ring she was allegedly involved in. The reports claim that Bo Xilai, China’s former Minister of Commerce, handed over almost $950,000 to get down with Zhang Ziyi for one night in 2007. Bo reportedly had sex with her 10 more times from 2007 to 2011. Every fuck time transition was allegedly arranged by businessman Xu Ming. Xu Ming was Zhang Ziyis pimp and sold her five-star chocha to various rich and powerful men for at least $900,000 a pop.

Now here comes the part that makes Zhang Ziyi the J.P. Morgan of ho shit. One report claims that over the course of 10 years, Zhang Ziyi made 700 million yuan (US$110 million) from sexing on China’s elite. My calculator tells me that if Zhang Ziyi charged $900,000 for one date, she only had to drop her vagina on a john’s peen 12 times a year. Zhang Ziyi is a true entrepreneur and I know I’ve said this before about everybody, but this time I really mean it. ZHANG ZIYI IS MY HERO. That’s if this is true, but Zhang Ziyi says it isn’t.

Zhang Ziyis rep issued a statement where they denied all of this and demanded an apology from the paper that opened up this scandal:

“We read this outrageous report in the Hong Kong’s Apple Daily. It sent stone-cold chills down our spines and has left us with a feeling of deep sadness. During the last month, Zhang Ziyi has been busy working day and night on the set of ‘The Grandmasters.’ Why should this devoted and responsible actress have to suffer this kind of slander and defamation? Friends have advised us to release a short statement and not take this seriously. The more you argue, the more you will stir up. It would be better to step aside until people lose interest and the lies disappear. The innocent will always be innocent.

But this time we don’t want to be silent. If we leave these lies to spread, what is completely untrue will be at risk of becoming a half-truth. This time, we are telling those rumor-makers that we will respond. We will prove our side of the story; we’ll seek legal justice; we’ll find you in the darkest corner and go after you.

We will seek justice for Zhang Ziyi by taking legal action against Apple Daily and against any other media publishing these false reports.”


First of all, that was a really HOT statement. Take note, American publicists: that’s how you write an official response. Put some drama into it so people really pay attention. A statement should sound like it was written by a dude who used to write for the Batman comic books.

Second of all, these reports could be lies, but then again a true ho never tells. If it isn’t true, I hope Zhang Ziyi sues the bitches responsible and collects $110 million. If it is true, then I better see Zhang Ziyi’s vagina on Forbes’ Celebrity 100 next year. Because people should pay homage to you when you make Demi Moore’s “Indecent Proposal” character look like a common food stamps hooker. I mean, who wouldn’t want to say, “Here’s my account and routing number. I’ll open my pussy as soon as my Swiss bank gives me the green light.”


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Here’s Another Taylor Swift Topless Pic


It looks as though country music star Taylor Swift has once again shamelessly flashed her bare breasts.

What is it with Taylor Swift and her showing off her titties? Obviously (like most Hollywood sluts), Taylor is lashing out because she is in desperate need of attention.

Taylor yearns to be put in her place by a virile Shallow Man, and is showing her tits with the hope that I will see them and slap her around for her sluttery. Unfortunately for Swift, all men in Hollywood are effeminate homoqueers who lack the moral superiority and large hairy balls required to put a woman in her place.


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Kim Kardashian Gets Her Butt Massaged Video!!!


Amateur porn star and professional mudshark whore Kim Kardashian gets her enormous ass massaged in the disturbing video above.

Kim requires a butt massage after her weekly injection of chicken grease, watermelon seeds, and welfare checks into her bulbous rump.


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I Still Have A Thing For Cristina Garcia


I am writing my thesis on how the world went to shit when we gave women the right to vote…not because I am in school, but I feel it is important to address the fact that for millions of years, women were treated as mere possessions.

But then some asshole decided to recognize them as their own entity, despite evolution not preparing them to be their own entity, leading to so much craziness and bad decision-making. It’s a real fucked up situation right now. I promise everyone I’ll get to the bottom of it…ideally with my penis.

Anyhoo, here are very hot pics of the impossibly beautiful and my all-time fave Pinay babe Cristina Garcia. You’re welcome, sluts!







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I Don’t Know Who Christine Marquez is But I Think I’m in Love


My short-term life plan is to land a threesome…at which point I’ll figure out my long-term plan, but I can assume it will be to land another threesome. I’m all about changing lives…not necessarily for the better…but changing lives nonetheless.

Anyhoo, here are sexy bikini pics of Pinay hottie Christine Marquez. Enjoy, pervs!






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Emma Watson Sex Tape Video!!!

The Daze of My Life has just uncovered the above video clip of what appears to be an Emma Watson sex tape!


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I’d Like to Be All Over Cheska Garcia


My favorite expression this week is, “I like that as much as trying to get a girl on the pill pregnant.” I feel like it is time to use it in the bar scene on divorcees who promise me the good life in exchange for going down on them. I figure they’ll say shit like “I don’t need the pill, I’m menopausal” or other pornographic things that shouldn’t be pornographic…and that shouldn’t be my life…but is my life and I might as well embrace it. Because if I don’t fuck these random old desperate whores, who else is there? Young girls are too good for me. I try to sext them and it goes nowhere. If I didn’t fuck the old trash, I’d have to fuck my wife, and that’s a fate worse then death.

Anyhoo, here’s Cheska Garcia looking mighty fine in some candid bikini shots. Enjoy, pervs!






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