Her Name is Bangs Garcia and I Want To Fuck Her


I have been hearing stories that kids are having sex as early as 8 or 9 years old now…with each other…thanks to porn. I’ve been hearing about it for the longest time, but I never really believed it.

Sure, in the ‘70s and ‘80s, people were fucking at 13 or 14, but the majority of chicks, the mainstream weren’t even sucking dick unless you made the bitch your girlfriend. Now they’re having rim job parties at 15 according to Oprah. Oh yes, gangbangs and good times.

But I never saw it firsthand. I couldn’t figure out where it goes down…until yesterday. I was at park walking my dog and behind a cluster of bushes was two teen couples fully banging, with penetration and everything…only it wasn’t hot. It was just awkward and pretty much out in the open, like it didn’t matter.

I didn’t stick around to get arrested, but I figured I’d relay the info to you perverts who are less paranoid. So if you want to find out where teens go to fuck, go to the park. Schoolgirls seem to slip their panties to the side there and mount their guy friends there.

Anyhoo, here are some sexy bikini pics of Pinay hottie Bangs Garcia for FHM. Enjoy, motherfuckers!



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Rihanna’s Hard Nipples in the Offensive “Princess of China” Music Video


I didn’t watch Rihanna’s new video, partially because I really have better things to do with my time, but mostly because I don’t really give a fuck about Rihanna and I hate her fucking music and the fact that at the Time 100 People Awards, she said she’s glad they awarded her because she’s just being herself or some other bullshit lie like her shitty songs polluting our brains and the airwaves.

I can assume the video is offensive, just based on the title, and I’m hoping there is a backlash from China, stopping production on her merchandise. Because if someone said they were a princess of anything of mine, especially a gutter black chick from the islands who was a child prostitute, I’d be pretty mad at how entitled she felt. I’d likely arrest her for the false claim as we all know a percentage of her idiot fans probably think she’s actually a Princess of China, which is bad for the Chinese’s global image.

The only thing she’s a princess of, even with her hundreds of millions of dollars, is her own cunt life that luckily we don’t have to deal with or listen to her whine, because newly rich trash is the fucking worst.

Here’s the video…



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EXCLUSIVE: Young Kim Kardashian Naked Pic!!!


The above photo reportedly of a young Kim Kardashian naked has just been leaked to the web.

This picture of Kim was obviously taken before she had plastic surgery to have chicken grease injected into her tits and ass in an effort to become irresistible to blacks.

It appears as though at one time in Kim Kardashian’s life she was not a hopeless mudshark whore, but just a regular whore, who at least had enough sense to know that a woman’s place is in the kitchen not out trolling for men with her surgically modified bulbous ass.

The Department of Health should come in and haul this filthy mudshark’s fat ass away for blatant unsanitary conditions while preparing food in the kitchen. From the looks of her, it’s been awhile since she last bathed, and her stink holes are no doubt emanating a foul disgusting stench.

And what about that poor defenseless dog sitting nearly below her enormous stinking butt? The dog could be crapped upon at any moment, and catch lice or other undesirable things from her as well. The agency for animal cruelty should cite her big time for that one for sure.


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Cristine Reyes is The Stuff Dreams are Made Of


I have this move that gets me off when I am in need of female attention because my girlfriend isn’t cutting it and because my social skills don’t allow me to seduce the kind of girls I want…forcing me to go out and grab it…without actually going out and grabbing it because that shit always ends in rape and rape always ends in murder…and murder always ends up in jail…and jail always ends in rape…and sometimes murder. It’s the vicious circle of rape.

So instead, I go into a public place. I find my target, usually a hot 18-year-old. Then I identify where here head is, move in, and look her in the eye passionately while hypnotizing her with my loving gaze. Afterwards I place my penis, usually clothed, on her hand and smile. Sometimes they scream, sometimes they squeeze. That’s what usually happens…until today, when the cunt (who clearly watches too many movies and spends too much time on the Internet desensitized) decided to be a comedian and say, “Where is it? I feel nothing. Are you a woman?”

And if that wasn’t worse enough, she called over her friends and strangers and was like, “this guy tried to put his dick in my hand but he has no dick” all while holding my dick.

I love my life…

Anyhoo, here are more pics of Cristine Reyes as the sexiest hitchhiker ever. Enjoy, sluts!





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“Battleship” Star Brooklyn Decker Brings The Sexy Video and Pics

 

The other day I posted some pics of Brooklyn Decker in GQ Turkey. Well apparently, she also snuck her way into the American GQ, like a crafty little retard with Down’s Syndrome who doesn’t actually have Down’s Syndrome. Her face just kinda looks like she does, and I like to point it out, since I am overly analytical of pictures I see of bitches being marketed to us as being hot, giving other bitches insecurities about not looking like they have Down’s Syndrome, only to spend their nights building contraptions at home to make their head look more like a water head. And while yes, I am all for giving girls an inferiority complex about being fat or having shitty tits, but to want to look more retarded is just weird.

That said, as a wife to a professional athlete, she does a good job staying fit. And when she’s half naked and Photoshopped, she hardly looks like the institutionalized chronic masturbating people left there by their parents who didn’t want them fucking up their lives at the home I used to change diapers at.









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Bizarre Sex Toys: Triple Pleasure Ultimate Onahole


Behold the Triple Pleasure Ultimate Onahole, for people who wish women would get rid of those unsightly arms, legs, stomachs, necks and craniums, and just give us the good parts. This is, without a doubt, the most awful sex aid I have ever seen for sale—which it is, here, for $104.

It vibrates, you know, if you like your small pile of chunks of a woman’s body to shake a little. I’d have to think even cannibalistic serial killers would look at this thing and go, “Eh, actually, that’s kinda creepy.” Although, it also looks kind of like an NES Super Mario Bros. enemy, so I guess if you’re turned on by fictional 8-bit monsters, this might be highly appealing. Using it for that would be far, far less disturbing than actually pretending this thing was a woman.


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The Dark Knight Birthday


A mother learns the hard way that when you order a Batman for your child’s birthday party, you need to specify which Batman you want, and if you want “the fun one,” then you don’t want “the Christopher Nolan one.” 

Obviously, ‘60s Adam West Batman would generally be considered the most fun of all the Batmen, but I say you order ‘89 Michael Keaton Batman, because then he might bring Prince along, and when it comes to throwing Batman-themed parties, no one does it better—or at least funkier.


Prince - Batdance by val6210
 

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Selena Gomez Shows Off Her Naked Body!!!


Selena Gomez shows off her naked teen body in a series of photos that were just leaked to the web.

You see, I’m a fan of this bitch. She’s got this body of something you feel like a sex offender jerking off to, but she’s pushing 20, making it all ok. Plus her little tits are all perky, likely implants, because she doesn’t mine showing them off, like they are a purchased item, make her this tight little package worth staring at…even if every time you think about her fucking, images and sounds of Bieber fill your head. For some of you creeps, that may help you cum…pedos.


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Diana Zubiri Naked Pics!!!


Oh god. I lived through this weekend. I’d say that was a good start to the week, but I am pretty sure part of me died…probably a vital organ…because I feel like death. So like everyone who feels like they should be in the hospital getting saved, I’ve decided to update a blog no one reads. Life’s about priorities people.

Anyhoo, here is the delectable Diana Zubiri in all her naked glory. Enjoy, sluts!



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Brooklyn Decker’s Big Titties in GQ Turkey


I like to make fun of Brooklyn Decker’s semi-retard looking face, not because I wouldn’t fuck her big titties with my mouth, hands, dick, ass…anything she allowed me to fuck her big titties with. I make fun of her since I know she got the cover of Sports Illustrated cover because of her husband being a pro athlete with pro athlete money and pro athlete endorsements that have the ability and power to tell those companies not to work with Sports Illustrated. So to keep everyone happy, they gave his spoiled cunt wife what she fucking wants.

But the truth is, retardation, or semi-retardation, or retard-like physical attributes have never stopped me from sticking my dick in a bitch. If anything, sometimes it makes it easier to get away with.

So all you Decker Defenders can fuck yourself. She has big tits, she’s fit because she has nothing else to do with her days but keep Andy Roddick happy to be married to her, or the free ride fucking ends and we’d all fuck her…but anyone can see she’s a little Corky.

The Turks don’t care, though. They’re used to seeing their women in bed sheets and ninja costumes.



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Iya Villania Sexy Pics in Tanduay Calendar


With every hangover comes a dump…and sometimes that dump is a beautiful thing that gets all the shit you’ve been shoving down your throat out of you. But other times it is a horrible, painful thing.

Anyhoo, here are a couple of pics of the very sexy Iya Villania proving she’s not just a pretty face. She also has a hot body as well. Enjoy, sluts!




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Georgina Wilson Topless Pics!!!


I learned a valuable lesson today: No matter how much I love upskirts, and no matter how much I love it when the wind blows a girl’s skirt so that her ass flashes everyone around her, it just doesn’t work on fat chicks.

Sure it’s funny, but on the wrong fat chick, like the one I saw it happen a few minutes ago, it could do enough damage to the system as a whole and ruin every wind-induced upskirt ever. She was that disgusting. But luckily a jogging college girl in short shorts ran by with a cameltoe so deep I felt like I could see her boyfriend’s load from earlier today. She saved the day, but more importantly, she saved upskirts for another day. Yes, leaving the house is fun.

Anyhoo, here are a pair of topless pics of my future ex-wife, the slut of my dreams, the one and only Georgina Wilson. Enjoy, pervs!



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Solenn Heusaff Slutty for FHM


If you weren’t too busy masturbating all night…you know, having sexual relations with pictures you see on Facebook, you should LIKE OUR FB PAGE.

It’s all part of the takeover I have planned. You know, to attain cult status, invade the mainstream, establish an empire…full of TITTIES…and sluts…and TITTTIES…

I’m drunk…

Anyhoo, here are pics of the very sexy Solenn Heusaff posing in slutty swimsuit and lingerie for FHM. Enjoy, sluts!





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Beijing’s Chinese Acrobats to Perform at the Big Dome


It’s less than 100 days to the London Olympics and the world’s best athletes will soon be competing with each other to become the fastest, strongest and highest. But even before the actual competitions begin, everyone will be glued to their seats to see how London’s organizers plan to upstage the spectacular Beijing Olympic Opening number staged four years ago.

More than 160,000 watched the Beijing Olympics Opening live at the “Bird’s Nest” Stadium and an estimated one billion more watched on TV as 10,000 Chinese performers took part in the ceremony just before the athletes paraded around the national stadium.


This May, Manila will see a glimpse of the pageantry and skill that was seen during the Beijing Olympics Opening when the Grand National China Acrobatic Circus performs at the Big Dome from May 8 to 13 in a brand new show entitled “Legends of the Dragon.” Several of the cast members of the Grand National China Acrobatic Circus also performed during the world-acclaimed Beijing Olympics Opening Number.


The Chinese are a meticulous and hard-working lot. This is primarily the reason why China’s medal haul of 51 golds, 21 silvers and 28 bronzes during the Beijing Summer Olympic Games put them on the top spot. 

This same drive for excellence is just as manifest in “Legends of the Dragon.” Beijing’s choreographed show took seven years to plan. Similarly, “Legends of the Dragon” is a show that has taken years to perfect. It fuses pageantry through colorful and intricate costumes, heart-stopping movements and feats of balancing, manipulation, body strength, comedy, theater and magic.

 
Chinese acrobats enjoy a special stature in the industry. They excel in this form of entertainment mainly because acrobatics have long been a part of their country’s notable heritage for more than two thousand years.

Back in the Han Dynasty, acrobatic art, otherwise known as “Hundred Plays” was brought to life by skilled acrobats looking to find ways to regale their fellow Chinese people. Over the years, the art has evolved into a more artistic combination of culture, carefully trained movements and ingenious acts that sums up to a distinct kind of jaw-dropping fantasy.


“Legends of the Dragon” will have acts showing Kung Fu mixed with smooth and swift tantalizing stunts several feet up in the air. Picture gymnastics spiced up with flying illusions on two suspended belts in a life threatening yet thrilling fashion. See colorful speeding bicycles resembling the wind. 


From mesmerizing jugglers to extreme somersaults, every unsuspecting spectator is bound to applaud in awe and disbelief. Catch The Grand National China Acrobatic Circus in a visually satiating treat called “Legends of the Dragon” at the Smart Araneta Coliseum from May 8 to 13, 2012. Don’t miss this rare spectacle. Call TicketNet at 911-5555 and get your tickets now! 


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