Perhaps I’ve said too much.
This is about my phone which has a touch screen and a “drawing” program which my kids have somehow found and…well…here’s what I find on my phone.
I open the drawing program because I needed to draw a vagina, I think (I can’t remember day-to-day) and realize that there are NINE DRAWINGS on my phone that I did not do...and not a single one of a vagina.
1) I’M NUMBER ONE!
I look at the first drawing:
Awwww. So cute. Please ignore the fact that I drew this one.
So…uhm…fuck yeah, that’s right.
#1 Dad who lets his kids go through his phone apparently without his knowledge because “Good Parenting = Ignoring your children” and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD KIDS PLEASE DO NOT GO THROUGH MY PICTURES OR VIDEOS!!!
I need to lock that fucking thing.
2) Peace Out
The next one I come across is this one:
Yay. Yay for peace.
My eldest daughter Audrey has this thing with goddamm peace symbols. I don’t know why. I certainly didn’t raise my girl to be a hippie.
3) Enter the Comedian
Next up is one from my youngest daughter Chloe:
Chloe exercises her sense of humor: 4+4=ate
I’m impressed with what she did here because she was able to combine math, art and comedy all in one fell swoop. Kind of like how Hitler did it but with less math, comedy and art and more, you know, genocide.
So I guess nothing like Hitler AT ALL.
Speaking of disturbing shit...
4) WHAT. THE. HELL.
So I continue to scroll through my pictures when…I find…THIS:
So it was kind of like, “Oh look daddy YOU’RE #1 and we should celebrate world peace with maybe some silly humor but DON’T TURN YOUR BACK DOUCHEBAG OR WE WILL KILL YOU KILL YOU KILL YOU DEAD AND THE LAKES WILL TURN RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.”
*delete *delete *delete
While I’m at it, I’m getting rid of the pictures and videos, too. You can all breathe a sigh of relief now. Glad someone can.
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