Nerd Porn: OMFG It’s The New Avengers Trailer!!!

Did you hear that sound? That’s workplace productivity across the country coming to a screeching halt for the rest of the day. And rightfully so, as this new trailer for “The Avengers” exceeds expectations.

Seeing as I am a writer on the Internet, I have some complaints...tiny though they may be. First, what’s the deal with that Transformers thingie at the end of the trailer? It seems kind of weird and out of place. Second and more importantly, why isn’t it May 4th yet? 

Those teensy issues aside, I have to say that this film has me ridiculously excited to the point that I could very easily have the rest of today’s articles consist of nothing more than the words “oh holy crap, man, that Avengers trailer looks really great.”
You have read this article Comics / Movies / Nerd Alert / Super Heroes / The Avengers / Trailers with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Janet Jackson Nude Video!!!

Like it or not, here’s a video of Janet Jackson sunbathing naked.

Janet Jackson Nude Sunbathing Video brought to you by Tube8

At first I couldn’t figure out why the description said this was a video of Janet Jackson, while the images seemed to show some kind of trained bear. But then I played the video and eventually I put the pieces together.
You have read this article ass / boobs / Breasts / Janet Jackson / Naked / Nipples / Nude / Sluts / Titties with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Jahziel Manabat Topless Pic!!!

Telling a girl you need her to send you pussy pics on Facebook because you’ve been spending the last hour jerking off to her profile pic is not a good way to get pussy pics…or make friends, for that matter.

But hey, if you’re stupid enough to do it to a co-worker or your friend’s wife, more power to you, dumb motherfucker. Admittedly, it’s still worth a try, because maybe it’ll work on the right girl…taking you out of your lonely dark place, finally.

Anyhoo, here’s Jahziel Manabat posing topless. Enjoy, pervs!

You have read this article Jahziel Manabat / Lingerie / Sluts / Topless with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

ESCANDALO: Kate Upton Makes Love To A Hamburger!!!

Kate Upton’s a hot 19-year-old model who’s currently the Internet’s girlfriend, or fake girlfriend to all the web’s lonely guys. I want to say “you know her from Sports Illustrated” but does anyone still read that rag? Really, you know her from all the numerous web sites that publish photos of bikini babes. And if for some reason you’ve missed out staring at her tight body, if you’re still in the dark over who she is, she’ll be everywhere soon as she’s blowing up with appearances in movies and on TV and now her first ESCANDALO!!!

And by scandal I mean “complete retarded-ness from some prudish douche that most people are ignoring.” Kate stars in a new commercial for the fast food joint Carl’s Jr. where she sexily eats a hamburger and some people are outraged. Take sex addiction “expert” Steve Arteburn, he thinks the ad is dangerous because it’s corrupting our youth! It’s turning men into sex addicts!! It’s inflaming the twisted passions of all the current sex addicts!!!

See, Stevie’s not a doctor or a counselor but he is a crazed religious nut and he runs a ministry to “save” sex addicts. He’s actually contacted Carl Jr.’s and the press demanding the commercial be removed from circulation. Arteburn has to say on the matter:

“A guy’s just sitting there watching a program, and it’s a hamburger ad, and all of a sudden it’s somebody having sex with a hamburger.”

Carl’s Jr. has actually gone through the effort of releasing a statement to the press (fuck guys, don’t waste your breath on these loonies) but luckily the burger joint’s statement basically blows off the concerns of these fundamentalist crackerjacks. I’ve placed the burger porn advertisement here so it turn you into a helpless, slobbering, perverted beast:

You have read this article Advertising / Food / Kate Upton / sexy / Sluts with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Paz De La Huerta’s Body is a Naked Wonderland

I am a fan of Paz de la Huerta—from her exposed asshole to all her nudity on “Boardwalk Empire” before getting fired—because she’s the girl who always looks drunk or high or both and badly in need of a shower. Paz looks like she’d be masturbating in the corner at some hipster party while her best friend ate her out and her gay friend put his dick in her mouth because they are so innovative, avant garde, and hip.

Yes, we’ve seen lots of nude Paz, lots of her hairy vagina, tons of her tits, even some nice clear shots of her starfish asshole, but I never get sick of her bits, especially since it means I don’t have to look at her burn victim face.

That’s why these pictures of her at photographer Terry Richardson’s after-party, flashing tit and ass for the fun of it, you know, just to be that wild naked wasted girl at the party, are so amazing—expected, obvious, but still amazing.

I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve spilled some Shallow Man juice thinking about making rabid animal bone-time with Paz. I always have the same fantasy: first I take off my belt and I wrap it around her arm and help her shoot up some heroin. Then I use the same needle and inject the remaining junk right into my junk. While we’re in a delirious opiate haze, I jack off onto her ass and Terry Richardson takes some pics of my spunk all over her posterior. Then I take those photos and I publish them on this site.
You have read this article ass / Butt / Paz De La Huerta / sexy / Sluts with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Avi Siwa and Jennifer Lee in Hot Lesbian Scene

I am annoyed. Maybe because it’s the end of a 3-day hangover after a 15-year drinking binge…or maybe it’s because I decided to try to quit drinking to see if I die from alcohol withdrawal, since dying from alcoholism takes too long.

To be honest, I quit drinking only because I’m tired of blacking out, losing my shit, getting beat up, and fucking whores without condoms and not remembering how awesome a night it was.

I figure I can still be a cunt without the booze, and do all the same things clear-minded, but this could be an alcohol withdrawal hallucination going on. This new thought process could be fixed with one strong drink, and what it comes down to is that I blame the Oscars.

Here is a link to the video of Avi Siwa and Jennifer Lee enjoying hot lesbian sex. You’re welcome, pervs!

You have read this article Avi Siwa / boobs / Breasts / Jennifer Lee / Lesbians / Nipples / Sluts / Titties with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

The Shallow Man Diaries (Part 65): Art Attack

Found this picture in our house that my youngest daughter Chloe drew:

Don’t ask me. I have no idea.

Believe it or not, but there are TONS OF ANGRY STAR PHOTOS AROUND OUR HOUSE.

I fear her.

Just to be fair, here’s something my eldest daughter Audrey drew of the stuff on our kitchen table:

I don’t know what the maraca is doing on the table other than my daughter may have been inspired to draw something Spanish based on ALL THE SCREAMING FROM THE LATIN TELENOVELAS THEIR MOTHER KEEPS WATCHING.

On the bright side, at least the shit on the table isn’t angry like Chloe’s star.
You have read this article Art / Personal Stuff / Shallow Man Diaries with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

“Bridesmaids” Fucked-Up Sex Tape Extended!!!

Consider this The Daze of My Life’s only coverage of the 2012 Academy Awards. Comedian Melissa McCarthy was nominated for the best supporting actress Oscar for her role in “Bridesmaids.” She lost last night, which sucks as she’s pretty damn funny. So as a consolation prize, we’re putting her on my blog because being featured on Daze is Hollywood’s second highest honor, a close second to winning an Oscar.

I wasn’t blown away by “Bridesmaids,” I think it might be a tad overrated, and it’s hella long, but it’s surprisingly okay for a chick flick. One of the best parts of the whole film is the scene playing during the end credits that shows clips from McCarthy’s character’s sex tape.

Luckily, they’ve put a longer version of the bit online. You don’t need to have seen the movie to enjoy it. In fact, it’s actually better without any context. Let it fuck your eyes and tell me if you found it funny…or hot…or neither:

You have read this article Bridesmaids / Humor / Movies / Sex Video / Sluts with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Scarlett Johansson Shows Up at The Oscars Topless!!!

The 84th Academy Awards was held recently, and Scarlett Johansson was the talk of Hollywood after showing up on the red carpet completely topless.

As you can see in the photo above, Scarlett Johansson shamelessly flaunts her full perky breasts to photographers and fans while walking the red carpet. Clearly this was a last ditch desperate attempt by Scarlett Johansson to win an Oscar even though she wasn’t nominated for an award.

Unfortunately for Scarlett, the academy was unmoved by this brazen display of sluttery, and she walked away empty-handed. Though one cannot help but speculate on whether the outcome may have been different for Scarlett Johansson if her nipples did not clash with the color of her earrings.
You have read this article boobs / Breasts / Nipples / Photoshop Awards / Scarlett Johansson / Sluts / Titties / Topless with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Hayden Panettiere Shows Off Her Post BJ Mustache

Actress Hayden Panettiere proudly tweeted the above photo of her post blowjob cum mustache.

The serenity on Hayden Panettiere’s face could only come from orally servicing a virile Shallow Man. The feeling of sublime contentment felt with a belly full of delicious Shallow Man juice is one of the greatest pleasures a woman can receive.

Clearly Hayden Panettiere is extremely satisfied with her decision to become a part of my harem, so that she may suck off The Shallow Man. Other women would be wise to follow Hayden’s example, and experience the joy of a Shallow Man exploding a river of seed as deep and wide as the Nile from his enormous one-eyed snake into their dirty whore mouths.
You have read this article Blowjobs / Hayden Panettiere / Sluts / Twitter with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

ASIAN EROTICA: Japanese Slut in the Shower!!!

Some of my best friends are hangovers…I don’t know what that means, but if you’re one of the many fuck-ups who are going to kill themselves because you’ve had enough of this hell and feeling like a fucking loser, I suggest you do it in style. You might as well go out with a bang.

But don’t be one of those assholes who shoot up a bunch of people before shooting himself. That’s the wrong kind of impact and I hate people like you.

You only die once, so make it count. Not that I recommend suicide, but this isn’t the suicide hotline. I know that as depressed and pathetic as I am, I’d never do it, because it’s too fun to laugh at misery in the face…while laughing at the idiots all around me. Seriously, they are everywhere.

Here’s some sexy shower pics of some anonymous Jap whore…rest in peace…loser…

You have read this article ass / boobs / Breasts / Butt / Crazy Japanese / Nipples / Pussy / Sluts / Titties / Vagina with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

The Shallow Man Diaries (Part 64): Top 7 Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch “Magic Mike”

Having recently caught myself doing things I never thought I would do (e.g. sipping “calm” tea at Starbucks, noticing the differences among various types of Chardonnays, etc.), I decided to draw the line.

The line was drawn by making a pledge to never do certain things for the rest of my life—for instance, to never wear a scarf, to never eat sushi (continuing my lifelong streak), and, finally, I vowed to never see the movie “Magic Mike” despite intense pressure from The Girlfriend.

To commemorate this momentous decision, I present to you my Top 7 Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch Magic Mike:

I would rather...

1. Pursue a career as an anal masseuse.

2. Lick off Oprah Winfrey’s make-up.

3. Masturbate with Ben Gay for one month.

4. Wear LeBron’s used jock on my face for a week.

5. Smear honey on my butt and sit on a beehive for one hour.

6. Stick a glass rod up my ass and ride a motorcycle for a mile down a railroad track.

7. Stick my head up an elephant’s ass after it had diarrhea.
You have read this article Magic Mike / Movies / Personal Stuff / Shallow Man Diaries with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Katrina Halili Pre-Stardom Topless Pics!!!

If I spent the same amount of time negotiating with hookers—you know, from making all sorts of false promises to offering money—as I did negotiating advertising deals, or anything that involved actual business, I probably wouldn’t be still be living with my mother who lets me steal 500 pesos a week from her for drinking…because this site doesn’t fucking deliver.

True story.

Anyhoo, here’s Katrina Halili before she got famous and got a nose job, Botox injections, a chin tuck, liposuction, a sex change, etc., etc.

You have read this article boobs / Breasts / Katrina Halili / Nipples / Sluts / Titties / Topless with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

“Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance” Movie Review

Whether you’re trading your soul for your Dad’s life or just another fat paycheck and a name above the poster, deals with the devil are never a good idea.

It’s been five years since stunt rider Johnny Blaze (Nicolas Cage) signed on the bloody line and became Beelzebub’s flaming-biker bounty hunter. Sniffing out evil and sucking the souls out of bad guys whenever his head catches on fire, Blaze finally wants rid of his cursed vigilante alter ego.

A visit from Idris Elba’s mad monk convinces him that salvation lies in rescuing a creepy child from the clutches of Ciarán Hinds’ scenery-munching Satan and he sets off for Eastern Europe’s cheapest shooting locations to set things right.

Helmed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor (purveyors of Crank’s glorious X-rated opera of silliness) Ghost Rider’s second road trip is less the rollicking highway to hell it could have been, and more like the bargain bin of a motorway service station.

Burdened with a saggy midriff that spends far too much time milling about with monks, the film goes flatter than its own post-conversion 3D.

Thankfully, Nicolas Cage is just as multi-dimensional as anybody could ever hope for. Oddly humorless, one of the dullest Marvel adaptations still manages to be frequently hilarious thanks to Cage’s wide-eyed, twitchy masterclass in overacting.


Looking like a middle-aged man on a permanent acid trip, his banshee scream of “I’ll eat your stinking soul!” is destined for YouTube greatness on the second volume of “Nicolas Cage losing his shit.”

A handful of lusterless FX showdowns are used as so-so bookends, but without the kookiness and half as much hot-chain-whipping action, it somehow manages to make the awful 2007 original look pretty good. Not for nothing is the most memorable moment doused in a stream of flaming piss.

Verdict: “Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance” is funny in all the wrong places and long at 95 minutes. Cage might be in fine psychotic form, but the flaming skull barely manages a sizzle this time around.

Grade ★ ★ 1/2 out of 5 stars
You have read this article Comics / Freaks / Ghost Rider / Movies / Nicolas Cage / Reviews / Super Heroes with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Caught Checking Out Royal Cleavage

Awwwwkward! Princess Mary of Denmark caught the First Gentleman of Finland staring at her cleavage during a televised state dinner. His face is hilarious after he’s busted.
You have read this article Royalty / Sluts with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

French Porn Star Anissa Kate is Smoking Hot!

New and gorgeous porn girl Anissa Kate is currently taking the boob world by storm with her super hot episode on “Big Naturals.” Apparently, she’s French and I love that accent, especially in combination with those big boobs! Makes a hot girl even hotter.

In these pics, her oiled boobs are put in a ripped white top and hotness ensues!

You have read this article boobs / Breasts / Naked / Nipples / Nude / Porn / Pussy / Sluts / Titties / Vagina with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

The Shallow Man Diaries (Part 63): Fuck You, Facilities

In the men’s locker room at my gym, this sign is posted on the mirror:

And this is how you know that, as a member of the “Facilities” group, no one respects you even a tiny little bit:



I especially like the gall of the asshole who put his SHOES on the counter just to be, like, “You know what, facilities? I know shoes are filthy and supposed to go on the floor and would literally take up 6 inches of space but you are not the boss of me and I will NOT BOW TO THE ESTABLISHMENT!”


Personally, I don’t do this.

I have a locker. That I put a lock on.

We’re not supposed to have that, either.

Fuck you, Facilities.
You have read this article Personal Stuff / Shallow Man Diaries with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

The Inventor of the Porn POV Shot

If you ever wanted to know who first thought of the POV (point of view) shot, or to be more accurate, the female POV shot, look to director Cain Ronson of the golden age of porn in the late 70’s and early 80’s. It was he who first thought up this innovation in his 1978 porno masterpiece “Pump Town,” or so claims the fake documentary “Legendary Porn Directors: Cain Ronson.”

At first I thought the comedy bit was pretty lame. It starts out with the usual porn clichés used in comedy: the mustaches, the 70’s culture, the drugs, the cheesy lines and plots. But then, about halfway through, around the “moon fucking” part, it takes a turn for the absurd and an impressive comedic payoff.

Stuff it in your eyeholes below…

You have read this article Humor / Porn with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Francine Prieto Topless Video

Some days, I just have nothing to say. This is looking to be one of those days. I just feel like kicking back and staring at porn without much effort. I blame my ex-wife for trying to have sex with me last night. The image of her naked belly burned into my head—the horror…the horror...

This is post-traumatic stress. I feel like I can relate to war vets…but war vets will probably disagree. So fuck them. I know I risk my life with this shit. Anyhoo, here’s a video of Francine Prieto and some anonymous douchebag making whoopee at the public toilet...classy!

菲律宾美女 Francine Prieto [LIBERATED 2]2004 by 1227billy
You have read this article boobs / Breasts / Francine Prieto / Nipples / Sluts / Titties / Topless with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Stephen Hawking is My New Hero

Every once and a while comes a story that is filled with so much wonderful that I have to rub my monitor to make sure my eyes are seeing it right and this is one of those once in a whiles.

Radar says that Stephen Hawking (I tried to read his Wikipedia page, but my simple brain switched to images of shiny-haired puppies playing in the snow right after I read “theoretical physicist”) regularly takes a break from doing whatever kind of genius stuff he does to bathe in thrusting chocha at a sex club in California.

A member of the Freedom Acres swingers club in Devore, California tells Radar that 70-year-old Stephen is a regular there and rolls up with an entourage of nurses and assistants. The fat-mouthed source went on to say “I have seen Steven Hawking at the club more than a handful of times. He arrives with an entourage of nurses and assistants. Last time I saw him he was in the back ‘play area’ laying on a bed fully clothed with two naked women gyrating all over him. I have spoken to him on several occasions and have even shared drinks with people in his group. And he’ll even take photos with people in the club as long as it’s in a neutral area.”

Stephen Hawking was already a beacon of inspiration, but now he’s a constellation of inspiration after reading this story. Because no matter what happens, we’ll never lose our need for peen or poon. Get your Big Bang on, Stephen!
You have read this article New Heroes / Sex / Sluts / Stephen Hawking with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Top 5 Sexiest Hayden Panettiere GIFs

A recent survey of sexual predators reveals that Hayden Panettiere’s tits are awesome, and she should be held up as an important role model for today’s sexy young people.  So if you’re a cute blond chick, and you can look this good naked, by all means go for it!
You have read this article gif / sexy / Sluts with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Kim Kardashian’s Fat Ass Stuck in a Swing

Tragedy struck while Kim Kardashian was shooting a scene for E! television’s “Mudshark Week.” After it was cleared of people, Kim went to a public park with her sister Khloe to share a touching moment in which Kim professes her love of purple crayons and whines about being perceived as a whore.

Unfortunately, as you can see in the photo above, Kim Kardashian’s gigantic ass got caught in a helpless swing. Rescue workers raced to the scene to help extract Kim Kardashian’s ginormous bulbous butt from the swing. However, they were too late, and tragically the swing had to be cut off…and then shot.

If only fat ass whores like Kim Kardashian would be respectful of where they stick their disease infested hindquarters, this senseless loss of playground equipment could have been avoided. Kim Kardashian should be ashamed of herself.
You have read this article ass / Butt / Kim Kardashian / Sluts with the title February 2012. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...