Vanessa Paradis a.k.a. Mrs. Johnny Depp is Sick of Answering All Your Questions!


Vanessa Paradis, seen here looking like Johnny Depp’s Mad Hatter after tanning and a brow pluck, is doing press for her new movie “Cafe de Flore” around Paris and all reporters were told to keep questions about her personal life inside of their mouths or she’d nibble their eyes out with her reverse Jack O’ Lantern grill.

The hosts at the French radio station Europe 1 didn’t listen to that warning and asked Vanessa about the rumors that the Paradis-Depp union (a.k.a. VaJohnny) is now lying next to the grave of Heidi and Seal’s marriage. Vanessa didn’t confirm, deny or even open a beer bottle with her gap and down all the sweet nectar before breaking the bottle on the host’s head. Vanessa only said this (via The Daily Mail):

“You know, when I eat three peas, I’m pregnant. When I visit a city, I’m buying a house. In the winter I separate, in the summer I marry. It’s been fifteen years since I’ve been getting married every year. In addition I have to answer all these rumors!”

Oh, Vanessa, it is SO HARD for you having to answer all those questions. SO HARD. My sympathies would be with you at this difficult question-asking time, but I’ve already sent them out to something that really needs them today: The Shallow Man’s big dick for not getting an Oscar nomination.

Whenever somebody asks Vanessa a question she doesn’t want to answer, she should put on a pastel polo shirt, warm up her voice and then give us what we all really want. THIS:



Seriously, every question should be answered with Joe Le Taxi.
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