The 2012 Golden Globes Wrap-Up, Part 4: “Keep Up, You Feeble Cripple. The Smell Of Virgin Blood Is Coming From Over Here.”


As soon everybody on the red carpet at the recent Golden Globes got over the shock of seeing Angelina Jolie not wearing a laundry bag of a dress in the color of black grave dirt, their blood veins started shaking out of a fear since she had the look of hunger sparkling in her eyes as she dragged Brad Pitt behind her.

Never mind that Angie’s dress made her look like a rolled napkin at a Valentine’s Day party, I couldn’t get past her terrifying vampire face. I know that Angie always looks like she’s just been floating above the cobblestones in Transylvania in search of a village virgin to feast on, but last night I wore a garlic choker and a clip-on crucifix nipple ring, because she looked like she was trying to drain my blood with her eyes.

Even Vincent Price was like, “Too far, Angie. Too far.”


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