Timely Relationship Advice From Ashton Kutcher a.k.a. Douche Jesus

If you think that being in the middle of a cheating scandal would stop Ashton Kutcher from sounding like a pretentious jackass while he pontificates on the secrets to a good relationship, please allow me to introduce you to Ashton Kutcher. He has new interviews in the December editions of Men’s Health and Women’s Health, where he revealed his key to a happy marriage:

“I think it’s all about working on the relationship and making it better when it’s good. Don’t wait for a problem to work on things. The goal is not to get into a relationship; the goal is to be in a relationship.”

“At least that’s what it says here on my list of pandering things to say to a magazine for women to make me seem romantic and sensitive.”

When asked what compliment he’d most like to receive from a woman, Kutcher said: “I would just like a woman someday, somewhere, at some point in my life to say to me, ‘You’re a great listener’ Haven’t heard it yet, and that’s a superior compliment to get from a woman. But I’m going to work on it.”

“As your wife I really hate it when you go out and bang random whores. Ashton are you listening to me?”

And what might be the most revealing comment of all, Kutcher remarked, “I could never be with a woman who felt like she needs to change me.”

“Well I could be, as long as she minds her own business while I fuck everything that moves.”
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