Signs of the Apocalypse, Part 17: Scientists Invent The Most Dangerous Virus Ever


Mark your end of the world calendars, kids! The Dutch have opened The Fourth Seal.

Scientists in Holland have created a new strain of the flu virus, specifically engineered to spread easily and quickly. It’s so lethal it could kill half the planet, and now they want to publish a paper saying how they did it. And why not? You can never have too many apocalyptic viruses, I say.

So if you’re on a diet, fuck it off and stick your face in bowl of fried lard. If for some fucked-up reason you have declared celibacy, go rub and wet hump the first hot piece you see. If there’s a whore out there that doesn’t know how much you hate them, immediately knee them in the butt bone and destroy them with the cunt word. Because the end is near.

The sky is about to turn black and the earth will implode! Baby Jesus, hold me in your arms and dry my tears with your breath. I’m scared.
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