No, this is not a video of a porcupine sucking on corn kernels. This is a preview from TLC’s new special “Virgin Diaries,” which features two virgins, who have never kissed before, kiss for the first time on their wedding day. NOTE TO CHILDREN EVERYWHERE: THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD MAKE OUT BEFORE YOUR WEDDING DAY!
Do you want to look like a mama bird barfing up her entails into her baby bird’s beak hole? Do you want to look like you’ve only practiced kissing on a cat anus? Do you want to look like Jennifer Aniston making out with the hand she painted a groom face and a bow tie on?
When somebody kisses me like a guppy giving a tongue bath to a hermit crab, I quickly switch my face lips with my ass lips by doing a handstand, because maybe they’ll have better luck with that.
You know, we can joke all we want, but these two bitches found love and we’re all FOREVERALOOOOONE!
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