Presenting The American Susan Boyle!



Last night was the third episode of “The X Factor,” and some are wondering if they’ve already found the American version of Susan Boyle in Josh Krajcek. Meaning someone who is fat and disheveled yet still manages to do something well, because for some reason that always surprises people.
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Idris Elba The Next James Bond?


The next James Bond movie will almost certainly be the last with Daniel Craig in the title role, and already there’s talk as to who should replace him. And though it will probably never happen, one rumor has it going to the totally awesome Idris Elba.

CNN says:

As a strapping, dapper actor with an English accent, Idris Elba is an obvious choice to play James Bond. But the actor tells NPR that talk of him potentially landing the part is nothing more than gossip.

“It’s a rumor,” he said on Morning Edition. “It’s a very old rumor. My dad and I were talking about this the other day. I would do it, but I don’t want to be called the first black James Bond. Do you understand what I’m saying? Sean Connery wasn’t the Scottish James Bond and Daniel Craig wasn’t the blue-eyed James Bond. So if I played him, I don’t want to be called the black James Bond.”


If you can’t place the name, Idris was on “The Wire,” and was that gatekeeper god guy in “Thor,” and a bunch of other stuff. And he’s terrific in everything. It would be a good way to incorporate the very cool theory that James Bond is not an actual person but a code name passed from spy to spy the same way “007” is. If they added that it might help ease any racial stuff. They shouldn’t have him smoking Newports instead of Chesterfields, or ordering a “purple drank” shaken not stirred though, because that would be too much.
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The Shallow Man Comic Strip of the Day: A Toast To Alcohol

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Signs of the Apocalypse, Part 12


If you’re on a diet, fuck it off and stick your face in bowl of fried lard. If for some fucked-up reason you have declared celibacy, go rub and wet hump the first hot piece you see. If there’s a whore out there that doesn’t know how much you hate them, immediately knee them in the butt bone and destroy them with the cunt word. Because the end is near.

The sky is about to turn black and the earth will implode! Baby Jesus, hold me in your arms and dry my tears with your breath. I’m scared.
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Must-Have Item of the Day: Eco-Otome Toilet Sound Blocker


From Japan Trend Shop:

We all know what’s it like. You are sitting on the toilet and you know the people right outside can hear your every noise. Well, now we have the perfect product to help you in this embarrassing situation. Small and clipping easily to your mobile phone, the Eco-Otome Toilet Sound Blocker makes the noise of a toilet flushing to hide the other noises you might be making.

Press the button twice and the sound of flushing lasts for 25 seconds. Press it again twice to stop the noise. It comes in three different designs: pink has a cute ‘love’ mark; blue is decorated with a ribbon motif; white has a green slogan—after all, this little device means you won’t have to flush for real and thus saves water.



I’m actually mildly irritated that these appear to be designed solely for women, what with their cute hearts and ribbon designs. I mean, just because I’m a guy doesn’t mean I want to go over to somebody’s dinner party and have everyone hear the sounds of my explosive diarrhea from the bathroom.

Although now that I think about it, if I’m asking for changes to these things, I’d ask for a different sound, too—a generic fan noise, like some bathrooms actually provide—would be far better. I mean, yes, hearing a toilet flush is better than hearing a massive grunt, fart and sploosh sound, but if said guests hear the toilet flush six times in rapid succession they know something horrible is going down in the bathroom anyways. Just a thought.
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EW Magazine Manages To Make Avengers Movie…Dull


You guys know how excited I am about the Avengers movie, right? So when I heard that today’s issue of Entertainment Weekly was going to have an Avengers cover and some exclusive pics, I was even more excited. That is, until I saw them, and…just kind of lost interest.

I mean, I’m still excited to see the movie and everything, but the only reason I’m posting the images is because they’re the first official Avengers photos and I feel like I should…but even then, I can’t be bothered to post all of them. 

 
So above is Black Widow and Hawkeye shooting at something, which I had already assumed would happen at least once in the movie.


Here’s a small pic of Nick Fury shooting at something. Again, not exactly a shocker.


Here’s a pic of Black Widow standing in front of an explosion. Sigh.


Here’s a pic of Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth and Joss Whedon (and his increasingly weird-shaped head) sitting together behind-the-scenes.


Here’s the horrible EW cover, where Mark Ruffalo seems to be doing his best “Zoolander” face.


And last but not least is this pic of Cap and Iron Man, just standing around.
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Hot Slut of the Day: Jack, The Sheep Who Thinks He’s A Dog



Congratulations to Jack, the genius sheep who has baaaaaaah-trayed his own kind by pretending that he’s a dog! That’ll do, lamb! That’ll do.

Alison Sinstadt, a farmer from Shropshire, England, and her partner Simon Sherwin brought Jack into their home when he was just a lamb baby because he was very, very small and they felt he needed some extra loving care. They gave him milk and they let him sleep with their springer spaniel Jessie.

It didn’t take long for Jack to copy everything Jessie was doing. When Jessie let out a dog bark, Jack tried to let out a dog bark too but it sounded more like an un-autotuned Rihanna trying to hit a high note. When Jessie fetched a stick, Jack tried to fetch a stick too. Jack doesn’t even socialize with other sheep and whenever he’s around them he tries to herd their asses (“THIS BAAAAAHTCH” - other sheep to Jack).

Alison tells the highly acclaimed literary journal The Daily Fuckery Mail that the only thing Jack does that is sheep-like is eat grass. But other than that, the sheep thinks it’s of the dogs.

The wool has officially been pulled over Alison’s eyes and she’s not even trying to scratch it off. The easiest way to avoid getting turned into stew is to bark, fetch and do it like a dog! I mean, what kind of evil soul would ever slaughter a sheep dog?! Jack might be leading the oppression of his kind, but bitch is a mastermind genius. Now if he can only learn how to lick his own lamb hole…



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Naked Hot Sexy Canadian Model Kim Cloutier Boobs Pictures Gallery 2011



 
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Sexy Hot Girl Gracie Carvalho Brazilian Semi Naked Model Pictures

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Naked Desi mallu aunty ready for sex very shocking








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Stupid Movie Poster of the Day: Jack and Jill


Somewhere in Hollywood, there’s a movie agent telling a young actor why he won’t get representation, or a screenwriter that her script isn’t good enough…while this poster adorns the wall.

Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?
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WTF of the Day: Catimus Prime!!!

He keeps the world safe...with his fuzziness.
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The Shallow Man DVD Review: After.Life


“After.Life” almost plays like a twisted, bizarre Grimm Brothers fairytale set in the modern world. The film details an odd, moody mortician named Eliot (coldly played by Liam Neeson). Eliot can seemingly converse with the dead, and coax them into accepting the their own tragic fates. His latest subject is Anna Taylor (Christina Ricci), who’s just died in a brutal car accident following a heated argument with her longtime boyfriend Paul (Justin Long) at dinner.


At first, she’s completely unconvinced she’s actually even died. After all, she can talk, walk and think—not exactly the usual traits of a decaying dead person. She pleads with Eliot, thinking she’s somehow been kidnapped rather than killed. She even makes a few attempts to escape. But slowly she comes to realize she’s died…or has she?


“After.Life” plays around with this mysterious notion, toying with the audience, and our two leads. Anna never really seems sure that she’s dead, nor does her boyfriend. But is it just grief tugging at their hearts? For Anna, there’s grief that she never really lived in the first place. For Paul, there’s grief that he never really loved Anna. And in the middle is Eliot, a man so cold, so coarse, he might as well be a twisted serial killer. He has all the makings of one.


Director and co-writer Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo seems quite comfortable not answering that question during the film’s overlong 103-minute running time. She enjoys creating the film’s haunting, gothic atmosphere and playing around with the idea of what the afterlife may really be.


But, quite sadly, the film doesn’t really add up, particularly during its disappointing final act, which bypasses some creative metaphors to deliver a cheap twist. The middle act drags on and on as Anna makes multiple attempts to escape and Paul drags himself deeper into his own despair, losing aspects of his character as well. While it’s clear Vosloo is attempting to shape a moral around her fairytale-like narrative, getting to that moral can sometimes be a chore.


Thankfully, the film is lifted by the absolutely stellar cast. Ricci, who spends a surprisingly significant amount of time either completely nude or scantily clad, is clearly in her element as Anna, a woman torn between life and death. She doesn’t really come to terms with her death. Rather, she’s almost seduced by the idea of having no life at all. Watching her succumb to death’s whimsy is oddly fascinating and bizarrely erotic.


Neeson’s cold Eliot is equally compelling. He reeks of cynicism and anger, but plays the role like a bottled-up mental patient—concise and calculated, waiting to strike. And it works fairly well. 


Justin Long carries the film’s biggest emotional weight. Whether he’s grieving over his girlfriend’s untimely passing or pondering his own fate, Long manages to capture the emotional essence of the film.

Despite the meandering pace, and lack of fearsome thrills, “After.Life” is a chilling fairytale that grabs you and takes you on a strangely hypnotic ride.



Grade ★ ★★ out of 5 stars

 
Distributed by C-Interactive Digital Entertainment


 
Available at all Astrovision and Astroplus branches nationwide
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Be Still My Beating Heart (Sarcasm): Kirsten Dunst Naked

Snaggle-toothed actress Kirsten Dunst goes topless in Lars Von Trier’s new film “Melancholia.” The movie doesn’t come out until November, but some brave soul already screencapped her nude scene.

Granted, you probably dry heaved a little when you saw “Kirsten Dunst” and “topless” in the same sentence but, trust me, once you cover Kirsten’s face with your hand, she looks really good kinda ok.
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Chris Brown Is One Suave Douchebag


Floor humping and knee sucking is the new Moonwalking as Chris Brown demonstrates during his performance in Detroit. 



That fan must feel lucky. Even more so when she didn’t end up at the hospital with a bruised face, swollen lip and stitches.



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LSS of the Day: “Smoke” by Ben Folds Five



“Smoke” is one of the cleverest, wisest songs about the slow death of a relationship. Lots of people have assailed the thorny romantic topic of starting all over again, and the conclusion they usually come to is that it’s going to be tough, but both practicable and desirable. The heartbreaking thing about Fold’s song is that it manages to simultaneously convey both the narrator’s desperation and the impossibility of a happy outcome.

In “Smoke,” the central conceit is that the relationship is a book, and so its unhappy recent history, the narrator wants to believe, can be destroyed by burning it page by page, until “all the things we’ve written in it never really happened.”

“Here’s an evening dark with shame,” he sings. “Throw it on the fire!” the backing vocalists tell him. “Here’s the time I took the blame (Throw it on the fire!) Here’s the time we didn’t speak, it seemed, for years and years…”

Wiping the slate clean is the fantasy of anyone who has ever got into a mess with a partner, and the metaphor is witty enough and rich enough to seduce us into thinking,  just for a moment, that in this case it might be possible, but the music here, a mournful waltz, tells a different story.

It doesn’t sound as if the narrator’s lover is terribly convinced either: “You keep saying the past’s not dead,” he tells her, “Well stop and smell the smoke.” But the smoke, of course, contains precisely the opposite meaning: it’s everywhere, choking them.

“You keep saying…we’re smoke,” he concludes sadly, and we can tell that he’s beginning to believe it, finally; the smell of smoke, it turns out, does not symbolize hope but its opposite: the relationship is doomed.

“Smoke” is, I think, lyrically perfect, clever and sad and neat; it’s also one of the very few songs that is thoughtful about the process of love, rather than the object or the subject. And it was a constant companion during the end (the long, drawn-out end) of my last serious relationship, and it made sense then, and it still makes sense now. You can’t ask much more of a song than that.


“Smoke” by Ben Folds Five from the album “Whatever and Ever Amen”
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Truthery of the Day: One Was Enough

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Epic Photo of the Day: I Have the Furriest Boner Right Now

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Hot Sluts of the Day: Frank and Louie, The Two-Faced Pussy You Can Trust…I Think

12-year-olds Frank and Louie (or “Frankenlouie” if your ass is too lazy to pause) were just inducted into the Guinness Book of World Records for being the world’s longest-living Janus cat (that’s fancy talk for two-faced pussy). Most Janus cats barely breathe in a couple of set of breaths before they’re off to heaven to two-face it up with the angels, but Frank and Louie have outlived them all.

Frank and Louie were brought into Tufts Veterinary Clinic 12 years ago and the vets were ready to put two tiny gas masks over their noses, but one of the nurses took them in and they’ve all been together ever since. Frank and Louie share one brain and one esophagus, so Frank gets to do all the eating while Louie sits there and silently judges his headmate for being a fat-faced greedy over-eater. It’s what David Beckham knows as the Posh Treatment. But on the bright side, Louie gets to purr out “Meow missed a spot” while Louie licks their co-op asshole to cleanliness.

Here’s a video from the Worcester Telegram of Frankenlouie’s owner talking about her two-faced gift. This is when the crusty ball of bitterness in my chest felt sorry for Frank and Louie. I mean, having to live with a showoff bitch of a bird who thinks it’s a regular Parrototti. TORTURE!



Think about this shit. Frank and Louie can meow shit to your face and meow shit behind your back at the same time! Not to mention they can double-team side-eye you from both sides. Frank and Louie are my kind of pussy!
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Must-Have Item of the Day: Starbucks + Alexander Wang Unisex T-Shirt


Designed by Alexander Wang and available for $85 via Nordstrom, this commemorative Starbucks tee celebrates the coffeehouse chain’s 40th anniversary with a permanent coffee stain that subtly transforms into the Starbucks mermaid logo.
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