The Shallow Man Diaries (Part 31): 15 Ways To Seduce A Man

Yesterday, Clyde and I were talking about how most of the magazines for women (e.g. Cosmo, Preview) give the worst advice. It’s almost as if these writers have never actually met a man. The things they tell women to do are just ridiculous. The only thing I got from these articles is that these people know absolutely NOTHING about men.

We men are not complex at all. Ladies, there’s not much to know. Let Joey hook y’all up with a very simple way to get you a man.

15 Ways To Seduce A Man

1. Wash your hair with an exotic floral-scented shampoo, then tell him you want to fuck him.

2. In fresh red and pink rose petals, spell out “I want to fuck you.”

3. Put on your sexiest dress, then pull it over your head and tell him you want to fuck him.

4. Spend hours in the kitchen cooking his favorite meal, then tell him you want to fuck him.

5. Cuddle up in front of the TV and put in your favorite romantic movie. “Sleepless In Seattle” is always a good choice. Then tell him you want to fuck him.

6. Surprise him during halftime with your own special cheer. It should go something like this: “I want to fuck you.”

7. Put the kids to bed early, then tell him you want to fuck him.

8. Take a stripper class. Then once you bust your ass sliding down that pole, tell him you want to fuck him.

9. Bust all the windows out of his car, then on the side spray-paint, “I want to fuck you.”

10. Say hello, then tell him you want to fuck him.

11. Step on his foot, then tell him you want to fuck him.

12. Find a common interest like…you want to fuck him.

13. Spanish is considered to be a very romantic language. Learn some Spanish phrases, then tell him, “I want to fuck you, señor.”

14. Take his dick out of your mouth, then tell him you want to fuck him.

15. Show up at his job wearing nothing but pumps and a trench coat. Then after he’s fired, you’ll have all day to tell him you want to fuck his unemployed ass.
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