Top 5 Reasons The Miami Heat Won’t Win A Championship


This one was easy. Just say “Miami Heat,” then stand back and listen to you vent. As my best bud Clyde so eloquently put it: “Give the Miami Heat credit for replacing the Los Angeles Lakers…as the most hated team in basketball.”

And, of course, when it comes to dislike, LeBron James is “The King.”

My buddy Sid suggests the word “LeBron” is taking on a new meaning in our lexicon. Sid remembers when LeBron was in Cleveland and we kept hearing phrases such as “LeBron’s 50 points not enough” or “LeBron’s efforts not enough,” so he suggests “LeBron” actually means “not enough.”

“Supposed you’re trying to sell a car worth Php100,000 and some dude only offers Php50,000,” Sid said. “Your reply should be ‘Hey, man, don’t try to LeBron me!’”

Harsh, Sid, harsh.

Anyhoo, let’s get to the list:

Top 5 Reasons Heat Won’t Win a Championship

5. Two words: Chicago Bulls

4. Dwyane Wade can’t keep driving to the hoop because his ex-wife got the car

3. Even the Tin Man says the Heat have no heart

2. LeBron is like a car with an automatic transmission: no clutch

1. Payback for the day last July when “The Three Kings” were welcomed to Miami

If you forgot what that looked like, check out the video. Remember when LeBron and the Heatles proclaimed, “Yes. We. Did.”

Well, for many of us, the reply is:

NO. YOU. WON’T.

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