Charlie Sheen Is “Free At Last”


That machete-wielding leather duffel bag of crazy who slurped on a bottle of Tiger’s Blood (ingredients: grenadine syrup, blended NicoDerm patches and crack pipe residue) on the roof of the Live Nation building in Beverly Hills? Yeah, that was just Charlie Sheen celebrating getting fired from Two and a Half Men.

Yes, Gnarly Sheen is about to begin the “Green Umbrella Attack” portion of his meltdown. When Charlie got to the roof, a crowd formed on the sidewalk below and started to cheer as the dehydrated turtle crackhead chanted, “FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST!” Martin Luther King Jr. is too busy shaking his head, so will somebody go down to Atlanta and roll his bones for him?

Charlie once again vowed that he’s going to sue Warner Bros. for gazillions, bazillions and katrillions of dollars for breach of contract. Warner Bros. is planning to file their own lawsuit against Charlie for all the money they lost for canceling the season (and possibly the whole damn show) early. Charlie has got a dull machete in his hands and he’s ready to fight. Charlie told Access Hollywood yesterday that when this is all done, he’ll wear their yellow roach shells as veneers:

“Here’s another thing—these guys are such yellow cockroaches that they didn’t even have the decency to call me. I put 5 bilion in their cheap suit pockets and another half a billion in what’s-his-cheese’s pockets and this is the…respect I get? It’s just deplorable and they should be ashamed of themselves!”

“It is what it is. I’m more worried about my children right now than any of this nonsense, you know.”

“If this is what it had to come to, to get me out of those silly shirts, then so be it. So maybe I’ll wear one, just on the final day when I go and remove all of their bazillions.”


You know who should be ashamed of himself? CHARLIE for smiling when his grill looks like it was involved in a head-on collision with a semi-truck. The only thing his mouth ever won was a plastic gold necklace from a Cracker Jack box and second place in a Smiles of Cocaine beauty contest.
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