6 Things Us 90’s Kids Realize Now

If you grew up in the 90’s, surely you played & mastered “Mortal Kombat.” Kids today have fighting games with nice graphics and fancy controls, which is cool BUT…I could kick your ass with 4 buttons and an arrow pad—no control sticks necessary. Nowadays, any button masher can prosper on fighting games.

It beats Adam West’s portrayal back in 1000 B.C. It tops George Clooney’s hard nipple bat suit and it damn sure beats Christian Bale’s “on the toilet after eating burritos” Batman voice.

The “morning after” pill, Whiteout, tape, glue, Ctrl+Z—these are some of the great quick fixes in the world BUT…none of them compare to blowing. That’s right, all it took was a huff, a puff and a blow into the cartridge and BOOM, it magically worked. Try blowing on your “God of War” disc when it’s scratched, see if it works any better (heads up, it won’t).

The shoes lit up. THEY FUCKING LIT UP! Unless someone invents a shoe that dispenses ice cream sandwiches and plays Bob Marley every time you take a step—the LA Lights shoes will be second to none.

Nobody worth knowing doesn’t like “Space Jam.” It was a one-of-a-kind movie for our youth. Only Michael Jordan could’ve pulled off that role. This new generation seems to think Kobe can compare—WRONG. If Kobe played for the Tune Squad, he’d kill team moral with his selfish, ball-hog tendencies—then he’d rape the girl Bunny.
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